Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Mom on Wire

Balancing work, life, motherhood and fun isn't anything new for moms, so this post isn't ground-breaking in any way. Everyone has to find a way to juggle all the parts of their life. I'm still learning to walk that wire between home and hobby.

My struggle isn't so much time as emotion. I feel like I have a good handle on my schedule and making time for all the parts of my life. However, I do struggle with the guilt that comes with carving out the time I need for the things I want to do. The funny part is that sometimes I feel guilty for not feeling more guilty about taking time away from my home life to do what I want. How's that for ridiculous?

The deal is, for the first time in my life I'm taking care of ME. I have a hobby. I have things I like doing that don't involve my husband and child. Sometimes I feel like crap for enjoying my time away from them. And then I feel stupid for feeling like crap. Why shouldn't I enjoy the time I have alone? When did my life become only about my identity as someone's wife/mother?

I guess I do have my share of scheduling issues that need to be ironed out. Dinner time is an especially stressful time for me, as it's usually the only time I have to run. (At least until it's nice enough to get out before work.) My problem is that my sweet, darling, helpful husband seems to be completely clueless on the fact that dinner needs to be started every night. No, there are no magical dinner fairies to deliver food to the house every night. I find myself getting irritated at him when I come home from a run, soaked with sweat and exhausted, to find him on the couch and the chicken still frozen.

But then I wonder if it's fair to expect HIM to rearrange his evening to accommodate MY hobby. I've always done dinner, he's batted clean-up, so why do I expect that things should suddenly be different because MY world has changed.

So, I don't know what to think. Part of me knows that it's not realistic to expect everyone to change just because I have chosen to take on a hobby. It's my responsibility to make my training schedule work within the family's parameters. It's not fair to them and it's pretty selfish of me to change things on a whim. Another part of me wonders if just a little consideration would be too much to ask, for people (ahem, men people) to think and be proactive.

It's hard. I've never been in a position like this, where I've wanted to "do me" as the kids say. I'm happy. I love where I am in my life and what I'm accomplishing. And I love my family and the time I spend with them. I just don't know how to walk the wire my two worlds.


  1. I've been reading a GREAT book about this exact conundrum. There aren't really any answers, but I've been feeling a lot better about having these feelings knowing there are so many other couples going through the same thing.

    The Bitch in the House. Get it, read it, feel better. :)

  2. Hey! I feel your pain! I know exactly what you mean. I have finally gotten to the point in my life where my kids are old enough that it isn't a big deal for me to just pick up and go for a run. And it's a great feeling. And men are funny--mine sounds like yours. It wouldn't occur to him to vacuum the house if he gets out of work early so that I don't have to do it when I get home. Right? That never happens. lol He does start dinner though each night. I'm not sure I remember when that all started, but let me tell you, I was so happy. It wasn't until after the third kid though, so if you only have one, you might have a little wait ahead of you... lol

    Try not to feel guilty about taking your time. I know my husband has never felt guilty about taking time to go fishing or hunting when I was home with all three kids. And I never complained when he wanted to coach junior high football and was at practice each night from 5-7. Why do we women make ourselves feel guilty for doing the same thing men do?

    Do what works for you and your family. Good luck!